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Pet Loss and Grief

Not to intentionally start my weekly column off on the wrong foot and not regarding training, but I am now going through the loss of my dog, Neptune. While this is still fresh in my psyche, I want to share with you some thoughts and observations on the death of your beloved pet and family member. First of all, you are going to be told at certain points that your pet is going to die and that all pets die by well meaning individuals.

This could be your veterinarian, you father, your husband, or your mother-in-law. These sentiments will not help you deal with the situation, or at least it certainly didn’t help me. It can help to let people know, who may inadvertently be repeating these types of phrases, that this is not helpful to you. Yes, we all know the obvious. In my experience, knowing what steps I would take during my pet’s life, and what steps would ensure that my pet still had a good quality of life helped much more.

Ask your veterinarian about these steps. If you are about to go through a long illness that you can manage for your pet, at some point you will realize the grief (yes you will grieve even though your pet has not left yet) will give way to enjoying your time with your pet again, and seeing the enjoyment that your pet gets out of still experiencing life. Look for that joy and soak it in.
At some point, your pet is going to pass away. In very few circumstances they will pass away during their sleep. A long-term illness may get worse or come to its final conclusion. Alternately a short term but fatal illness could come along and take your pet in a matter of minutes or hours.

All of these are upsetting, and there really isn’t a “better” way for your pet to go. If your pet goes suddenly, you will feel that you didn’t have a chance to say goodbye. If your pet dies after a long term or short term illness, you will feel the misplaced guilt that you didn’t do enough, or that you needed to make the choice for your beloved pet to end their suffering. It’s all really painful, and there is no way around that if you love your pet.

People will say things like “well you knew he was sick” or “well they have to go sometime and he/she was old”, but you love and miss your pet regardless of course. A pet owner just doesn’t stop loving their pet one-day because they are old or sick. It doesn’t make it any easier that you knew this day was coming.

Hopefully you have a group of friends that have gone through this with their pets. Non-pet owning people, or people who have not yet experienced this will start asking questions like “are you over this yet”. Or call you on a daily basis expecting that when they ask, “how are you doing”, that you will magically be over it. Just as when anyone you love dies, you will always grieve for your special and beloved pet. The grief will become less painful over time, but you will always grieve. The most painful part could last months, a year, or years. Just know that it is fine to grieve and don’t feel you need to “hurry” it along or suppress it. Grief is a natural process that we all need to go through when we loose the ones that we love. Call in sick to work if you have to for a couple of days. Different people also experience grief differently. My husband and I, who are in sync on most things, grieve very differently. Luckily we’ve known that for a long time so we can deal with each other.

So enjoy your pet every day, and be sure he/she has enjoyment in their life. When your pet passes over the bridge, you will have those memories to give you comfort and smiles, eventually.